Who I am here, and who I would be in another reality.

Today, I am the mixture between what makes me sensitive, the curiosity of what I prefer. I live a lot inwards, but I still absorb things from outside; music, words, cities, old blogs. I am interrested in many different things, and different things. But in all of them I look for myself, even if I keep constantly changing. I like to create. I do not pursue auras or shadows of who I want to be, I create my own.

In another reality, I am not this problematic, I for sure study architecture, or restoration. I transform what I feel, even chaos, into something beautiful and unforgettable. In another reality, I am nothing of who I am today, and I would not like to be.

A list of reasons to stay:

- My boyfriend.
- The dream of having my own house.
- The possiblity of healing.
- My dream job.
- Music.
- Art.
- Cats.
- The sunset.

Whenever I'm here there is no good news.

Hi, sorry I'm sad again. But all I get from my parents is this feeling of being constantly watched. They control my phone, they see my location, see what apps I'm using. God I'm almost 18 not 10. I was asking my dad today if i could miss PE class tomorrow cuz I wanted to have lunch with my bestie, he said no because it's one of the few hours a week I do exercise and don't stay in my room all day. Of course the only thing I want to do when I get home from school is stay in my room because why would I want to spend time in a living room where I feel I'm being judged for everything I do or don't do. I feel like I'm always being told I'm useless, like I didn't know that already, right.

Anyway, love you, whoever is reading this, thank you for visiting my place. I hope you all are doing great. Nobody will read this though. XOXO <33,

Zu

Tired from collapsing.

Hello again (friend of a friend, I knew you when...), I had a collapse again three days ago because I started volleyball classes and there wasn't enough girls, so we had to play with the boys. The problem? I feel embarrassed whenever I train with people because I feel like everyones waiting for me to fail so they can just not pass me the ball, this happens to me way more if I train with boys (past experiences I guess? I was excluded at primary school, maybe that has something to do with it). My head is messed up, I know. Thaaat's why I'm starting therapy I think next tuesday?

Another thing to tell you!!! I'm super excited because my pretty boyfriend and I are turning 7 months next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm reaaaaaallllyyyyyy happy and eagerly waiting for Friday. I am soon uploading the locket section for all the pretty things I have for him. Love if ur seeing this xoxo mwah <333

Not my friend anymore.

Hi! Remember that friend I had an argument with? Well, he's not my friend anymore. I won't say why because I don't think it's fair to roast him on a public website, but what I will say is that I feel relieved. I just got rid of a toxic waste in my life and I'm not sad about it. In fact he unfollowed and Blocked me almost everywhere (as if I would try to talk to him), good thing cuz I don't want him to see my life. Guess he couldn't stand seeing me everywhere either LOL. Anyway, I don't feel sad at all, I think it's good. I knew this would happen sometime.
Love y'all, XX <3

The career I want and my mother's opinion about it.

Writing pretty much this week huh. So I decided I'll study ceramics faculty (i think that's how it's said), because it's something that I know will make me happy since I've been going to ceramic classes since I was six. The thing is my mom doesn't like it that much because she keeps asking if it's something I know will make me happy or not and if it can give me the type of life I want. And also asked me to investigate about other options (which I did) and then I told her I would study graphic design (which I think is a career with no future from here to six years) and she didn't say A WORD. Today I told her that I had been thinking about it and decided I will study ceramics faculty after all. And she started asking a whole lot of questions again. But if I say a "more formal career" she won't COMPLAIN A FUCKING WORD even though if I study that "formal career" I will have no job, so, yeah. Whatever, I guess.

Figuring out what to do once I finish High School.

Hello again. Today I'm here because this is my last year of High School and the single thought of it overwhelms me. As y'all know, I've got a boyfriend, and if this universe lets me I'll spend my whole life with him. But the thing is he's got one more year left in school (he graduates in 2027 because he goes to a technical school instead of a high school like me). And if I go to university next year we'll be apart form each other a WHOLE year, and none of us likes distance. I'm obsessing over this and I'm afraid that if I don't stay one more year to wait for him and we're distant, things between him and me will get ruined or something. I swear if I don't marry this man I'll cry my entire life. I love him so much

My sister's birthday.

Hi, this is my first entry, yesterday it was my sister's birthday party and she invited my boyfriend and my best friend so I wouldn't be alone. Not so long ago, I had a fight right before my birthday, a tough one, with my best friend but we fixed things. The problem is I still feel something's quite off, and I'm scared that my friend doesn't trust me the way he used to some months ago before I screwed up. I feel bad, but he behaves like normal, I just feel something's off. Maybe it's just my head. Now, something that is really weird is my boyfriend being active for two hours this morning and not responding me like ususal, I'm trying to convince myself that he's just busy, or maybe he felt bad yesterday? I don't know, we all three had a good time yesterday though so probably I'm just overthinking and it's nothing.